I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
