Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Green mimosas i think yes
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
