Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Randomize
