No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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