I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
