He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
PANTIES FOUND
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