In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
