she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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