I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
