i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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