I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
3 2 1 whiskey
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
