Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i now understand why vodka
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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