I'm really into asian looking animals
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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