wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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