Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
