Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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