is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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