You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
