plz talk dirty to me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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