If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
