how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
