paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
