i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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