Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize