He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
