I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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