At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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