also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Too much gin, very little bucket
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
