Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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