Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
