Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
