The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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