In the future we'll all be gay
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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