Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i love accidental penises.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
