Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
