when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize