New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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