I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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