Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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