I'm eating all of the evidence.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
