chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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