so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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