Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
