Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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