This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
