2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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