Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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