ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My ATM looks so different sober.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
