Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
