I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
