I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
