you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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