I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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