real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
