R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
