no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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