youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
