Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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