Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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