Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
